All about the me thingy..

well to start it off..i have finally know why..i have always been emo about girls..you see..the point is that..it like when you are small..you see your parents or someone else driving a cars you would say " hey when i m big enough i wanna drive a car" after you know how it feels..you just feel.."it kinda boring" for me it almost the same..ok..for starter..how many of you have already experience how to feel to have a bf/gf?? i mean it aint weird to have a bf/gf around 14 or 15..or even kissing at that age..for me..i never done any of it..i felt like i been always pushing myself too hard to get it...i never had those looks..those courage to know a girl..most people that i know are mostly guys..i mean hey..i just have like less then 10 girls that i really know well..ok to be honest..i just like every girl i see..because i been lying to myself...and you know what..i m afraid of girls now...i just tend to avoid them now...right now i just feel like..girls are not what i always thought it was..for 4-5 years..i been trying to free myself from the past..yet i m still binded by this chain...for whoever girls reading this..i m sorry that i m such a a**holes in the pass...by trying to impress you girls..i m just stupid anyway..maybe it just because i have never been through it..that i will never be able to understand this last piece of puzzles...but to a certain girl that i like right now..i would just say..i really do love you..no it not a joke..i really really do..i havent been able to tell you..because i m afraid that once i tell you..you would runaway from me...i already tons of girl ignoring me...and i have no idea...if given a chance..i would say to you..i love you..even if you hate me...this is the true i been hiding...and for girls that i might have scared away..sorry lots...never meant too..maybe i m just too selfish..i never been truly in love..till i realise it over the years..that i been seeing u..i m off..part 2 comin soon..